Taking a cue from Turn It In.com, a website that tells teachers if their students have plagiarized their work from other sources, a new website has popped up called Turn_It_On.com. This website tells if someone has plagiarized their sex messages ("sexting") from others. The first cheater caught was Tiger Woods-who was caught by his wife plagiarizing from himself. It seems Tiger wrote, "You were great last night-you’re the only 1 for me," to Rachel Urtel in 2008, Cori Rist in 2007 and Jamie Jungers in 2006, Jaimee Grubbs in 2005, etc. etc. and so on.
The FBI has announced that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian terrorist who tried to blow up a plane only to set his groin on fire, later received text messages from a fellow Nigerian terrorist: "Need to enlarge your now very small penis? Ask me how!" He then received another e-mail offering to pay for the enlargement operation if he wired $5,000 to an anonymous e-mail account. Umar e-mailed back, "Do not need your services. When Adam Lambert found out I had a VERY hot cock, he offered his services on me."
Nigerian Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s now says he had a good reason for trying to bomb a plane: he was a contestant on "Nigeria’s Biggest Loser;" the Nigerian version of the see-who-can-lose-the-most-weight TV Show called "America’s Biggest Loser." Umar said that when he lit his crotch on fire, he was trying to quickly melt away 87 pounds. When the FBI wondered how a small fire could melt away that much weight, he had the FBI weigh what was left of his Nigerian penis-which came out to 87.9 lbs.
Charlie Sheen and the Italian guys of MTV’s "Jersey Shore" have teamed up with Hanes Inc. to put out "Charlie Sheen’s Wife Beater T-Shirt." This sleeveless t-shirt comes in all sizes and with a book of excuses; guaranteed to excuse the t-shirt wearer of pulling a knife on a wife.
The Federal Aviation Administration has bowed to demands from President Obama and have vowed to install full body scans in most airports. However, after the ACLU protested that the full body scans showed too much of a person’s body, the FAA invented "Rose Colored Glasses" on all body scanner guards. The FAA noted "when a body scanner guard wears these ’Rose Colored Glasses,’ all they can see is "Rose (a.k.a. Rosie") O’Donnell’s body. Unfortunately, after the wearer repeatedly witnessed such a rotund bodily scan, the airlines discovered that they were losing too much money from the thousands of motion sickness barf bags the wearer had to use."
Amsterdam Airport, which announced that it will (belatedly) do a body scan so as not to let any more bombers on board, nabbed its first suspicious suspect--Alec Baldwin. The x-rays noted that his posterior muscles were exceedingly muscular for a man of Mr. Baldwin’s chunky build. Alec then confessed that the airport ass in question is the same butt body double he used for his rotund rear in "It’s Complicated!"
